No mom is The Perfect Mom.
Even the mom that we think is perfect—in reality, she may be the overwhelmed mom, the stressed mom, the anxious mom, or the forgetful mom.
Ovewhelmed Mom, Stressed Mom, Anxious Mom, or Just Forgetful Mom?
You see, I had this friend that I looked up to—a mom mentor who was an older wiser mom, that seemed like she had it all together—until that one day. She messed up.
It was a beautiful morning and I hadn’t seen my mom mentor in months. I tried to contain my excitement as I waited for her at our favorite coffee shop. A few minutes went by, and then a few more.
It started to settle in. My friend wasn’t going to show up. No phone call or text. Just silence.
No More Perfect Mom
That day my friend no longer was The Perfect Mom—and to be honest she really disappointed me. I really wanted to meet with her that day. I even woke up super early! If you would’ve known me at the time, you would’ve known that this was no small ask from me!
Looking back on that day, I’m really glad it turned out the way it did because it exposed some things in my own heart.
Not only did I place my friend on The Perfect Mom Pedestal, but it revealed to me that I was holding that same high standard for myself—a standard of perfection. You can read more details in my post, Are You Living By a Standard of Grace or Perfection?
I never heard why my mom friend didn’t show up that day. Was she overwhelmed or just forgetful? I don’t think I’ll ever know, and that’s okay.
Sweet mom, we are not perfect. That’s why we need God. With His help, we can live by a different set of standards. On a practical level, we need to replace those inner thoughts that hold us to a standard of perfection with the truth.
Let’s talk about 5 Truths you can tell yourself when you feel that pressure to be The Perfect Mom.
5 Reasons That Free You From Being The Perfect Mom
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1. You are only responsible for you. You are responsible to people, but not for people and their actions.* Others actions and decisions are not a reflection of you. An excellent book for understanding this more is Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.
*Please note: I am talking about adults. This has a different context for parents of children that are under the age of 18, but I am not going to go into that here.
2. Life is about balancing, not balance. I hear the phrase “balance in life” a lot from moms who are overwhelmed by all the mom life responsibilities. But you know what? A life of balance is not something you can ever arrive at or achieve. Life is always changing and is fluid. True “balance” requires absolute stillness. Conversely, as a mom, we are balancing a lot of things all at once. As life changes—you have choices. What things will you choose to let go of and what things will you choose to pick up? The key is to choose what you want and to do those things well. It’s a choice—you can try to do everything, but you’ll become exhausted, tired and burned out as a mom. You can’t do everything well. Ever struggle with saying no? I have in the past, but I’ve learned a little tip that’s helped me out a lot.
Grace Tip: When someone asks you to do something, give grace to yourself and the person asking. Simply say, “Wow, that sounds like an interesting opportunity. Do you mind if I think about that? When would you need to have an answer? I will get back with you by…” Make sure that you give them a firm time/day that you will give them your answer, and then do it. By handling a situation this way, you get to really take time to think about the situation. You remove the pressure of making a decision in the moment. It honors the person by thanking them and it shows them that your time and their time has value. For help in managing your time, I recommend the Simplified Planner. It keeps me on track!
3. You are not a failure. Failure is an event. I learned this from the wise Zig Ziglar. It’s a very freeing realization. We all make mistakes whether it be a wrong choice or accidentally spilling the milk. Again, we are not perfect! I have a friend who would say to her kids, “Glad we got that over with for the day!” Don’t let your mistakes hold you back or weigh you down. Remember that you either win with your choices—or you learn.
4. Today is a gift. The past is history. The future is a mystery, but today is gift. That’s why we call it a present! If we dwell on the “What if’s” and the “If only’s” in life, it can paralyze us. It’s the little things we do today as moms that shape and guide our future. Little means as big a step as you are able—it doesn’t have to be big. Start embracing the gift of the present by writing down your goals for your future, ways you can be a great mom, and then take steps towards that goal. To help you plan and focus on doing the things that matter most, I recommend and use PowerSheets.
5. God loves you always. As a believer in Jesus Christ, God in His Word says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. He will always love you. If you miss your devotions, you may experience distance in your relationship with God. However, it isn’t a form of punishment related to “not doing” things for the sake of checking it off a list. Reading your bible and praying fosters your relationship with God. When we don’t sit with Him, He isn’t angry. This is a wrong perspective of the Righteousness of God. He simply longs to sit with you. He told me that very thing once.
Waiting For My Perfect Friend
On that day when my friend missed our coffee date, my heart was so sad. In the quietness I heard a small whisper; “Sonya, I get sad too, when you miss coffee with Me.”
What are your coffee plans today and later this week? Meeting with a mom friend? Take a moment today to push aside the tyranny of the urgent and meet with your Best Friend—the only Perfect Friend. He’s waiting for you to just sit with Him—even if for just a moment.
Did God speak to your heart through these words? I would be honored if you would share your story. You never know—it might be what someone else needs to hear to walk more fully in His grace.
If you’ve found encouragement today, then will you please suggest and share with a friend. You never know whose life may be changed simply by sharing!