Being an overwhelmed mom is something that I’m pretty sure every mom can say at some point, “Yep! That’s me!” Especially with all of the things we’re responsible for as moms.
But there’s a common mistake that the overwhelmed mom makes every day that causes her to be discouraged, fearful that things will never get better, and anxious that she’s losing herself in the process.
What is it?
She tries to fix the overwhelm with the wrong solution—HOW to manage her life and spend her time.
There is an easy way to fix the overwhelm—but it doesn’t start with HOW. I actually talk about it in 3 Easy Steps to Simplify Life That’ll Turn You Into a Great Mom.
But there’s also a few other reasons why starting with HOW won’t work.
Let’s talk about these and why it’s important to understand this. Plus, I’ll share with you how you can get some quick wins today to crush that overwhelm—using some things that you already have.
The Overwhelmed Mom Who Starts With HOW
If someone tells you that you just need to start with figuring out HOW to manage your life…you can also count on them telling you that that’s really all you need—it is the simple key to conquering the overwhelm.
But the problem is, that the HOW TO solution thrives on what you do only. It cultivates a work harder, faster, smarter, you can do anything mindset as long as you know how to spend your time.
The HOW TO solution may work for some…
But, if you’re like me…you’ve made the mistake of starting with the HOW TO solution only to experience exhaustion and failure.
You found the right blogger and got her new planner and after a few months it get’s lost somewhere in a drawer or under some papers. Your husband happens to find it after the new year, you know…when the planner is out of date. Yep, I’ve been there! He then tosses it into another pile of half–used planners somewhere in the corner of your basement.
After awhile, that same blogger that you tried following gets harder and harder to keep up with—from following her blog to her social media channels. Her emails that once were inspiring, now start to make you feel like you’re not doing enough and that you’re way behind.
What happened to that “simple” key to conquering the overwhelm.
Starting with the RIGHT Solution First
In my own journey, I’ve learned that no matter how hard I try, I will never experience lasting change and true freedom from overwhelm if I keep trying to fix it with the HOW TO solution first.
Lasting change can only happen when you start with the right things first. So let’s talk about what you really need to do when you’re an overwhelmed mom.
2 Things to Do When You’re An Overwhelmed Mom
1. Find Yourself.
Part of the reason why you have the feeling of overwhelm is because deep down you’re actually questioning yourself. With an increase in social media, it’s become easy to compare yourself with others—so much that you start feeling inadequate and confused about who you really are or who you need to be.
Finding yourself really comes down to this simple question: what or who is determining your identity?
Is it the desire to have a home decorated in the farmhouse style? How about if you just had those Hunter boots, a Kate Spade purse, or the trendy leather teardrop earrings? Or is it that group of moms you want to be friends with—and to be “in the group” you need to be or do certain things, because that’s what they do?
While these are pressures we all experience as moms, they are a shaky foundation for your identity.
You will feel confident and secure when you understand and believe that your identity is only secure in the One who created you. And the only way to find yourself, is by having a growing relationship with God.
2. Check Your Thoughts.
Being intentional to take control of your mind is also biblical. The phrase “take every thought captive” is something that Paul talks about in 2 Corinthians 10:3–5.
Henry Ford also referenced the power our thoughts have on us when he said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
What’s the difference? Seeing motherhood as a challenge puts motherhood in a perspective of opportunity. If you think motherhood is hard—you feel defeated and overwhelmed before you even do anything.
If you believe being a mom is hard, you’re essentially saying in your thoughts, “I can’t do it.”
It’s kinda like when you ask your son to pick up his toys. What does he say? (Imagine this in his best whining voice!) “Mom, it’s too hard.” Which basically means, he can’t do it and he won’t do it.
And because what you think determines how you feel, the subtle thoughts “I can’t do it” builds into a bigger feeling of overwhelm.
That’s why it’s critical for you as an overwhelmed mom to take notice of what thoughts are occupying your mind. And more importantly, you need to take back control of your mind.
From Overwhelmed Mom To Thriving Mom
When I was feeling like a failure as a stay at home mom, I really thought I just needed to figure out HOW TO fix things. My husband even encouraged me to “just figure out what would work—then do that.”
Ironically, at the same time that I was trying the HOW TO Solution, my husband and I felt like we were being surrounded by more and more negativity—from friends, family, and co–workers.
Both of us have a growing relationship with God, so naturally, we sought Him in prayer.
Shortly after praying, God brought to my memory a talk I had heard several years ago at a conference. I remembered a woman talking about her dad teaching her to look at life positively.
She never woke up to an alarm clock. It was an opportunity clock. With that gift of a memory, I looked online and discovered she was the daughter of Zig Ziglar. I knew little about him, but immediately I discovered his 30 day self talk challenge based on biblical principles. It was an answer to prayer for us.
My husband and I did the self talk challenge to prevent us from becoming negative. But instead, it revealed how negative we already were! We had no idea the extent of what we were believing about ourselves—and others. If we had not been intentional to take control of our minds, we would’ve never known a difference.
Our lives changed forever.
I started to dream again and I started to see real progress in other areas of my life too. Finally, I felt like I was getting ahead on things and that feeling of overwhelm—was gone.
Lasting Change for the Overwhelmed Mom
As an overwhelmed mom, I get it. I too just wanted to fix things—and I thought the HOW TO Solution was the right answer.
But, because I first had a relationship with God that was growing, He knew I didn’t have the right answer. And He led me to what I really needed next—to learn how take control of my mind.
Doing these things first have created lasting change that has continued to crush my overwhelm. This is REAL HOPE for you as an overwhelmed mom, lasting change.
Instead of finding the perfect planner, mom hack, tip or trick, the first thing you need to do is:
- Find yourself – or another way of saying it is, know WHO YOU ARE by growing your relationship with God.
- Check your thoughts – or know WHAT YOU THINK about yourself by taking a self talk inventory, or challenge.
Once these things are firmly in place, you have a healthy foundation. You can build on that because you know WHAT to do. Then you can start figuring out HOW to do it.
How about you? Did these 2 things give you hope that your tomorrow can be different?